new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
