I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
