from now on my penis is your penis
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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