I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize