she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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