this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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