i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
