with your own penis?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
