either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
