Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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