We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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