it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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