pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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