I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
