Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize