Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
