I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
now i know why i became what i already was.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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