I want to walk on stilts...naked
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
