WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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