Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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