I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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