Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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