I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am spending my child support on dildos
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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