I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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