Your mouth is God's brothel.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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