i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
