the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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