I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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