He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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