im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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