thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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