It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
