I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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