My friends, they love my intelligence
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
