I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize