Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
