Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize