The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
