He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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