he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
