Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
