Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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