I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
