Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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