1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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