So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize