I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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