Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
