i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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