I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
