Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
