If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my sisters under your porch take her home
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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