Nicole vs. Life
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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