The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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