That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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