my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
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I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
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Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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