Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
