He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize