Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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